Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Focusing on focusing

I've been up since 4:30am. I slept downstairs on the floor, face down, with my contacts still in. Not the first time I've done this. I laid down to read "A Streetcar Named Desire" for my book club at work. Bought it for $2 from a used book store on Cap Hill 'bout 2.5 weeks ago and finally got around to reading it. I heard from one of my coworkers that it was a quick read since it's a play, so I had no problem putting it off.

I walked into the natatorium at 6:25am. I knew about half a dozen people that would be there, but 6:30am ain't social hour. This is the second time I've been in the pool this month, made it last Wednesday, and the most I've swam since early October. Gotta get back on track, so I throw myself into training. I put in my earplugs and clip on the nose, don the cap and goggles and I'm off. Tunnel vision, baby. The only time I acknowledge someone is when they ask about sharing the lane. I can't hear them, though, assume they want to share the lane, so I just nod and start to circle swim with the other guy in the lane. My workout wasn't that tough, but was a little challenging since I haven't been in the pool on a regular basis. One of the last sets includes pushups on the side of the wall, then I finished the 2400 with easy swim and drills.

I walked out of the natatorium a little after 8am. I could barely lift my arms over my head, had a hard time getting dressed.. putting on my backpack.. and it felt like my hands were dragging on the ground. I couldn't help but think "damn.. that f'in rocked". I like that post-workout fatigue.. feeling totally spent. I walked around with a shit eatin' grin on my face knowing I've been up since the butt crack of dawn, knowing that I put in my time.. no distractions.. and I have the 'raccoon eyes' to prove it. My badge.

No distractions. I gotta get back on track. I need to focus on focusing.

This hit me during one of my sets. I was in the zone.. I felt so alive.. I felt BACK! But I realized how I've not only missed the feeling in the water, but in everyday stuff. For one, I've been taking a SAS class this semester and have really been slacking these last couple of weeks. Going back to school is supposed to be my ticket to a new job. I have a final coming up that I should be focusing on. Work is getting busy and I need to put my nose to the grindstone. I put off reading my book until a few days before the discussion. Granted I wasn't being graded on it, I do get participation points and the points go toward my raise next year. These are small things, but they add up. The little things.

It was the little things that made my swim this morning kick ass - having each 100 faster than the next, lowering my stroke count each 25, rolling smoothly, feeling balanced, and mastering the flip turn.

And it's the little things I need to get back to focusing on so I can walk away from something I did saying "damn.. that f'in rocked"


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