Admitting failure

While walking to the pool yesterday, before my kick ass swim, it hit me that I had failed. I am a goal setter.. a list maker.. I find satisfaction in crossing something off one of my many lists.

And it hit me yesterday morning that I had failed. I wouldn't be able to cross something off my list. I had failed.

It started on Halloween. I had a rough week at work with four coworkers being fired and then finally ending my relationship of almost 2.5 yrs that weekend. As amicable as it was, it still sucked because I failed at love.. at commitment. So I started having a drink with dinner.. maybe a beer, a glass of wine, a few tumblers of whiskey.. And I only drank to get drunk twice. I could've easily finished a six pack of beer each night, but I wanted it to be more social, even though I was drinking alone most nights.. a nice way to wind down at the end of the night.

So after the first week I thought "I bet I could have a drink everyday this month"

And so it started. A bottle of My Beloved one night, a glass of wine another.. happy hour. It was nice. I thought at one point I might get desperate and reach for the Nyquil for a fix. I did mix it up and have a glass of pineapple juice (the reserves from the can of pineapple chunks we added to our pizza one night) and vodka.. that was refreshing. Wine for Thanksgiving.. whiskey on the rough nights. I steered clear of the moonshine.

So on the way to the pool yesterday, I realized I didn't drink Tuesday night. How could I have forgotten?? Went out to a fancy, schmancy restaurant with the folks on their last night in the city and I passed up on a drink with dinner knowing I had a couple beers waiting for me at home. Is it possible there was liqueur in the Tiramisu?? The butternut squash ravioli?? Perhaps the butter-marjoram sauce?? I looked at the menu online and it said "served with amaretto cookies"

YES!!

Ahh, but alas.. I remember no cookies. There was no liqueur, either. So I had to admit defeat. Would I try again in December? Nah.. So I tore up my acceptance speech...

..and used the paper as coaster. Wahoo!! I still had two beers in the fridge, baby, and I wasn't gonna let them go to waste.

Cheers, beers, and queers!