Getting out of my comfort zone

I tend to have mild panic attacks when I get out of my comfort zone. We all have our own personal space and I get a bit uneasy if someone enters that zone uninvited.

I love to people watch as much as the next person and I think the best places to do this are at an airport, county fair (esp. in the Midwest), a mall, and The Mall in DC. If I'm going to a mall to people watch I'm fine, but if I'm there to shop, I totally clam up.

I hate, more than anything in the world, shopping. Specifically clothes shopping. Right behind shopping is the trying on of clothes.

Today wasn't so bad, though. At work we have these Christmas Angels where we buy clothes and toys for needy children. I selected a 4 month old boy who was no problem to buy for since I kept my 7 mo old nephew in mind. The problem was walking in the doors of the store. I'm self conscious.. okay, maybe borderline paranoid, so I feel like everyone is staring at me as I make my way thru the cosmetics and up the 3 escalators to the infants section. I was the only one there, I donned my earphones, so I chilled out. $70 later, I'm feeling good about my purchases since I know they're for a good cause, for someone that really needs them.

I can't tell you the last time I went out and spent money on myself on clothes for work or just to have. I think my last purchases were a swimsuit, bike/tri shorts.. oh wait.. of real clothes, I couldn't tell you. I have three or four regular pairs of jeans that are getting holes in them.. crotch, pockets, bottoms are shredding. I think they're all from Eddie Bauer, I love them to death, but they aren't in style. Nothing I have is in style.. I don't think it ever was. I have coworkers trying to convince me that I "have a style of my own." And what's that.. "fumpy"??

I want to wear cool shit, but I'm cheap as hell.. hence not shopping all that often and 'having a style of my own'. I'm not a shopper and when I do wear something new I'm the talk of the town! If I wear a dress or skirt I'm sure people wonder if hell froze over. The deal is this.. I'm trying. I'm going to try. I'm sure there's a lot of shit I'd look good in. I have to be in the mood to shop and today wasn't one of those days. I walked into H&M, browsed the kids section and left. That place isn't my style.. but what is??

I'm sure I won't figure that out until I get out of my comfort zone. Shopping on Black Friday is waaay out of my comfort zone and I don't plan on breaking that cherry anytime soon. Holiday shopping sucks because of the crowds and the "i want" attitude of some people/kids. And trying on clothes in the winter sucks as I've put on weight since my racing season ended and the lighting and..

.. and I'm making excuses. I'm selective.. particular.. okay, okay.. cheap, I get it! No excuses!