Friday, June 29, 2007

My "Wonder Twins.. Activate!" super power

Why, oh, why wasn't I blessed with super strength? super speed? super endurance??

Super.. super.. *thinking*.. super smarts?

It looks like I was passed over when the above were being handed out. At least I have one thing to be 'proud' of..

my super sense of hearing.

I hear everything around me. Okay.. most times it's selective, but that's only for certain people. I have no control over it, I swear! So if you think I'm ignoring you, I'm not. It's just.. well, my super powers have informed me that what you have to say isn't important :D No offense.

So why, oh why, is it that my brain likes to intensify my supersonic sense of hearing whenever someone in my office is clipping their nails! (Yes, I'm shouting.)

That's right. Yes. In the Land of Cubes, in addition to us Commoners, we have the Clippers. I know of at least three. I can only hear them, though, as I have yet to identify them. I'm just too scared to approach them. It's similar, but not as devastating, as the awkward 'meeting' at the sinks in the bathroom after the "Least Likely to Stink Up the Bathroom" (usually a VP or someone else high up on the totem pole of Execs) walks out of the stall next to you. We've all been there before.

So at least once a week, one of these critters comes out of hiding. Why they think it's okay to do this at work, and in their cube, is beyond comprehension. I will admit to clipping my nails at work, but only in the bathroom when I am alone and with my hands over the garbage. I stop if I hear someone openning the door. See.. my sense of hearing does some good!

I will also admit to catching one of our interns a few years ago clipping her toenails in her cube with her foot resting on the side of the trash can. I about threw up when I walked by and witnessed the act. I skipped lunch that day.

I also have to deal with the "How Much Change Can I Carry In My Pockets Today" guy, who could also be called "I Bet I Can Count How Much Change I Have in My Pocket By Jiggling it Constantly". Every time he walks, and every time he sits, he's playing with the coins in his pocket. My guess is at least 2 - $10 rolls of quarters that just exploded in his pants! I just checked his cube to see if he stacked himself a castle of coins, but it is nice and tidy. He probably took it down while he's away on vacation.

The sounds are piercing. I listen to a CD or my ipod at my desk and the noise cuts through. I'm a very non confrontational person, but I swear I'm going to snap soon.

Petty? Sure, but it's. driving. me. crazy.

Ohh.. the struggles of having super powers


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