Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Living with Ghosts

I have been living with ghosts for over a year.. count it, just about four. Has it been that long? my heart is still sore.

I have skeletons in my closet I might add. I can't seem to shed my skin of the past.. feelings I've amassed.. even with forgiveness.

I have moved on I keep telling myself. I should've known it wasn't meant to be, not with me.. I was just all talk.

I have the strength along with the scars, which all have healed. Tender to the touch.. hmm, this is a bit much. I know I need to let go.

I haven't been in touch, but why do I bother? I feel I am a bother a nuisance a pain.. a ball and chain.. dragging along from the past.

I haven't forgotten the night of the call, your brother. Out of the blue.. was it true? That your entire life was a lie?

It has been four years since that call. It has been three years since I forgave you and your lies. It has been two years since we last talked and two months since the last email, which makes one helluva long time to keep remembering the past.. this past.. when the emotions are still there.. raw.

I did what I thought was best at the time when you lost every thing.. every friend that you had. I stood by your side even with the great distance between us. I wanted the truth. I deserved the truth.. or so I thought. But if everything out of your mouth and into my ears before was false, how could I believe you? Was I that gullible to fall for it twice?

Ah, but I did.. apparently I was that gullible. I took a chance... a second romance? Hell, it was worth a shot.

It was worth the risk if it meant freeing you of your ghosts. Mine are still around me and I can't seem to free myself.


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