Wednesday, December 07, 2005


If I put my hand in front of my face, covering my eyes, have I disappeared or are you still there?


It took two weeks to realize this scenario had been clouding my vision.. my thoughts.. Impairing my emotions.

It has been a stressful week if you couldn't tell. I've been going on about 2.5 hrs of sleep the past two nights. I shouldn't complain, though, and I'm not because I put myself in that situation, so there's no one to blame but myself. Sure, it's past 1am and here I am online, but part of it is that my sister isn't home and I'm a bit of a worry wart.

Things are slowly starting to pick up again and I think I kicked it off in style by having a celebratory 6 oz of my Maker's.. tipping back in honor of my first completed semester of college since graduating almost 6 yrs to the day. I've had a lot on my mind besides class and tonight's final exam. And without warning.. almost like a wave of a hand or a magic wand.. things are coming together. I look back at the past week and realize how irrational and over emotional (which I mostly internalized) I was.. and for no good reason, even though I thought I had one at the time.

I was hiding behind my hand.. hoping all around me, including myself, would go away. That's how I deal. That wasn't me. That's not me.

Live and learn.

I can't say I won't get in a funk like this again, but with a lot of good things planned in the next few days and coming weeks, I can only see things going up from here.


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