A Coworkers Sixth Sense..

..or so I thought!

I've been moody all week.. I was craving peanut butter sandwiches earlier this week, and most recently, ravioli. I finished off the 25oz bag last night and bought another one on my way home.

Gone.

I think I figured out my sauce recipe, too. It just needed a few more shakes of basil, a little less crushed red pepper, and more garlic powder. Simple. I should've known that..

Busy day again and I was moody again in the morning.. irritable. Obvious symptoms.. yknow. Coworkers getting on me to get some billing done. I get it done, print it off, and go to pick it up. I figure I'll get some "femme tabs" from the first aid kit while I'm there. I'm leaning over the table the printers are on, sorting through the printouts for my documentation.

"I see it's that time of the month," a male coworker says from behind.

whutthe..

"Yeeeeep.. I started," I replied hesitantly.

"There's so much billing to do."

"Billing! Right! Yep.. I'll be pretty busy this next week," I breathe with a sigh of relief..

.. and head to the bathroom.. juuuuust in case.


I had to call my sister and hell her about the exchange..

Least Likely to be America's Next Top Model

I have chosen to participate in this little dog and pony show on Sunday. I went to the bike shop yesterday to pick out what I'll be modeling. I'm not sure if 'modeling' is the right word since I'm not a model. I wear stuff because it's comfortable, practical, and works well with my.. um.. "parts".

Do I have to reiterate how much I hate shopping? How 'bout how much I hate trying stuff on?

Take those two and add "spandex" to the mix.

*shaking head*

So I did my part and tried to find stuff to wear. What's nice is that we have the option to buy the gear we model at just above wholesale price. Do I really need $150 bike shorts? If I get a few phone numbers out of the gig, I'll say it's worth it.

March Madness.. and Other Random Thoughts

March Madness

1. The area is abuzz since George Mason is in the Final Four.
2. I didn't participate in any office pools, but had said outloud that I thought Villanova might win it all. At least it didn't cost me anything.
3. Maryland women's team is in the Final Four. Not as much buzz.
4. I swear I'm gonna get an ulcer watching the women's games. The UConn v. Georgia game was nerve wracking (Husky 3 pointer while covered by 2 people to win it) and the game vs. Duke went into OT. I couldn't watch it.
5. I hate UConn.
6. I was disappointed when Temple lost to Harford in the first round.
7. Former Virginia player Dawn Staley coaches Temple and former UConn Jennifer Rizzotti coaches Hartford.
8. I hate UConn.
9. I grew up rooting for Virginia... Wendy Palmer, Dawn Staley, the Burge twins, Tammi Reiss.. those were my girls. I remember when they lost to Dena Head and the Lady Vols of Tennessee in 1991.
10. I met Dena Head in 1993 when she helped out at a basketball camp at Northwood University.
11. We were doing 3-on-3 drills and no one from my group hustled onto the court, so she made me do push-ups. I hated her for that.
12. I've been a Vols fan since.
13. I saw former Vol Chamique Holdsclaw at a restaurant in Georgetown in 2003.
14. Annnnd I was drunk at 4:00 in the afternoon on a Saturday.

Other Thoughts

1. I covered 31 miles in over six hours Saturday.. so why aren't I sore?
2. I 'bout took off the tip of my left index finger chopping onions Monday night. I had sharpened the dull chef's knife the week before using the sharpening steel I "acquired" from ex-K.. so do I thank her or curse her?
3. You wouldn't think to guess it, but I'm a Mary Kay gal.. and I need to do one of her Satin Hands treatment.
4. My hands are a mess from knife cuts (thanks.. i guess), paper cuts, scars from getting too close to the big chainring on my bike.. and now they feel like sandpaper.
5. At least my feet are fine.
6. I hate feet.
7. I did have to paint my toenails to cover up the one blemish.. a black toenail
8. I covered 31 miles in over six hours Saturday.. and no blisters.
9. I've been reading more about foot/blister care in the last few days than I care to admit, and will do so until the end of April.
10. My feet are soaking in rubbing alcohol right now.
11. They'll be coated in Aquaphor and covered in socks when I sleep.
12. That's all I'll wear
13. Don't ask.
14. I hate feet.

And a few more..

1. I ate almost a 25 oz bag of ravioli for dinner tonight in two different trips to the stove to make it.. which consists of dumping it in boiling water.
2. I've almost perfected my marinara sauce recipe that I poured over the ravioli, which doubles as the sauce I use when I make pizza.
3. I've almost perfected my pizza recipe.. but I keep tweeking it.
4. I asked my mom for a rolling pin for Christmas when she found out I used an old peanut butter jar to roll out the dough for my apple pie crust.
5. I don't want a rolling pin anymore.. the jar has character. It fits me. Besides, I only make my famous apple pie for Thanksgiving.
6. I make a kickass peanut butter pie. It's been a few years since I've made it, but will make it after the 24 hour trail run. The filling consists of a little sugar, vanilla, 1c of creamy natural peanut butter, and 1 pound of tofu.
7. I bet you would've tried it if I hadn't mentioned tofu was in it.
8. Don't knock it til you've tried it.
9. I'm over my craving for peanut butter. Now it's that ravioli.
10. I should finish it off tomorrow.. and I might be able to perfect my sauce!
11. I've eaten more pasta since Friday than I have all year. It's not that I'm anti-carbohydrates, I'm just more of a stir-fry kinda gal.
12. With tofu, of course.
13. I've perfected my sweet and sour sauce.. now I just have to work on my peanut sauce so I can make Thai food.
14. Dammit.. back to talking about peanut butter.

Well.. it's about that time anyway.

It's what I do..

Saturday was the official start of my ultra season. It's a short one, at best, but enjoyable nonetheless.

I've been asked, "how is it enjoyable to be running for X hours/X miles when I can't even watch TV that long nor do I care to drive that far?"

Here's my reply - "we all have our 'thing'".

This, along with doing triathlons, is my thing. I do it for me. I do it because back in 2003, my boss at the time put an entry form on my chair for the HAT Run 50k. I do it because I have no excuse for NOT doing SOMETHING. Am I good at it? eh.. 'good' is a relative term. I enjoy it, so I do it. And I will keep doing it as "I'd rather wear out than rust out."

So back in 2003, I had been running because of triathlons, but didn't own trail shoes let alone ever run on a trail. So I did some long runs in my road kicks and finished my first ultra race in a respectable time considering the conditions were rainy and muddy and I didn't really train for the event. Since then, I've done the same handful of races each year, not wanting to stray too far from home. This was my 4th time at HAT and I will add another race to the mix this year. More on that later.

Training isn't where I want it to be at this time of the year, but it's getting there. I was very pleased with my effort Saturday and a full report can be read here.

So I have a 50-miler in 2 weeks. This will be my 3rd attempt at this distance and at this race and I'm not sure what to expect. It will also be my first year with no support. The first year, ex-K was there and my sister came later in the day, and ex-K was there again last year. This year, my sister will be in Arizona the weekend of the 50-miler. Is it that big of a deal to have someone there?

Yes and No.

No because it's a tough thing to do to be a sherpa/spectator. They're out there just as long as the runners and have to figure out how to get to each aid station to see their runner for a few minutes ever couple hours. Long hours with little to show for it.

Yes because those few minutes we DO see them are precious and a huge boost. It's lonely out on the trails and it's nice to see a familiar face, hear some encouraging words, and get a hug before hitting the trails again. It's also nice to have someone massage your legs post race. Please note, the position of "sherpa" is open and I am taking applications :) Send pictures.

I'm hoping to have a couple sherpas.. crew members.. whatever you want to call it a month from now. The most recent addition to my ultra schedule this year is the 24-hour ATR. I had hoped for my first 'big' race to be the Massanutten Mountain 100 next May, but I found out about this race earlier this month and have jumped at the opportunity to do it. The only thing I know to expect is a very long day.

Am I crazy?

Like the word 'good', crazy is relative.

I started doing 5k races while still in school and continued after graduating, but it wasn't enough. In 2000, I did the Old Kent River Bank Run 25k and did my first 10 miler and half marathon leading up to it. But even after the 25k, I started thinking "what's next?". In 2001, I made a New Years Resolution to do a triathlon and found one in June. In May 2001, I signed up for my first Ironman slated for 2002 even before doing my first triathlon. Four Ironman's, a dozen marathons, a handful of ultras, and countless other races later, I'm still asking myself "what's next?"

Say it.. "you're crazy"

hey.. it's what I do..

The Official Start of Tourist Season

...or as I like to call it, hell.

The National Cherry Blossom Festival starts this weekend. Droves of people from all walks of life will flood to DC between now and.. oh, say the end of September. The sidewalks will be crowded, no one will know what 'on your left' means when I try to pass on my bike, nor will they know that the left side of the escalator is for walking. Metro trains will be crowded as, yes, in fact people DO work here and it's not just one big tourist attraction.

This is why I'm glad I commute away from the city for work, avoid the busiest Metro stops, don't drive, and do my long, weekend workouts super early.

I love living here, don't get me wrong, and it's great that people come here and spend their money, but sometimes people make me shake my head. I know I don't take advantage of the cities sites and attractions, but after seeing families fight after spending a day at the zoo or at The Mall.. hell, I just hope it was worth it.

Some Sad News..

.. at least for those living in Mississippi as stated in the March 21st entry (scroll down).

FIGHT THE POWER!!

Will Power

I can't tell you how badly I'm jonsin' for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now. I don't eat sandwiches that much as is, but I want it on that floppy white bread.. not the kind that tears the second you put a knife to it.. but almost that soft. I'd load it with raspberry jam or strawberry jam because I like the crunchy seeds. If in a pinch, I'd go with the ol' standby favorite of grape. I'm not picky. Heck, I might even use Jif instead of my usual natural peanut butter!

So I'd have to make at least 3 sandwichs. I'm a bit of a freak with how I eat them as I eat the crust off first starting either at the bottom corner, or just under the 'muffin top', where it curls under.



It's not that I don't like the crust, I just eat around everything like that. It's the same with Reese's PB cups.. but I digress..

I went grocery shopping Sunday and one of my usual brands of PB was on sale - 2 jars for $5.


My sister let me buy it, but when we got home and before I could start putting away my groceries, she took the PB out of my bag and hid them. I still have 2 jars of peanuts, which I added to my "list of forbiden Lenten foods", on the top shelf of a cupboard. One of the jars is open.

Tempting.

My sister finished a jar the other night and I saw it in the trash. I pulled it out, because it could be recycled, and noticed a small handful of peanuts in there. I asked why she didn't finish them and she said it was like the last bit of beer.. "It's just not good".

Tempting.

But to steal a line from a episode of Seinfeld, "Was it in the trash? Yes. Then it's trash.".. even if it was above the rim. And it was in a sealed container.

I have over 3 weeks to go.. i can make it. I think I'll grab some celery and hummus.

Not the same, though.. not the same..

How I Spent My Spring Break

I can't say I've ever had a typical college spring break. When I was in school, spring break meant the start of softball season with a week long excursion to Florida for games 2x a day and a mid week trip to Universal Sudios, Busch Gardens, or Gatorland. At least it was better than staying in cold Michigan for the week.

So now that I'm back in school, I got to experience my first spring break since 1999. So what did I do?

Abso-freakin'-lutely nothing school related and it was great.

I did have an 'optional class' on Tuesday, but it was review for my mid-term, which has now been moved from 3/28 to 4/4. Of course the whole class was there.

I was able to get in a number of good workouts including a nighttime run Wednesday and a swim Thursday night. I even skipped the tri club happy hour that night to swim. Yep. Where are my priopities you ask? Don't worry.. I made up for it by drinking my fair share Friday at work with our celebration of St. Patty's Day. Erin go braugh!!

I even got in the pool again Sunday afternoon for a cool 3100yds. I have put in more 'mileage' in the pool in the last 3 weeks than I have from Nov-Feb combined. It's still not much, but I'm slowly getting to where I want to be. I could be on to something.. swimming 2x a week?? God forbid I start improving!

So now it's back to the real world. Hard to really enjoy my 'break' from school when I still had to work 40+ hrs a week. Oh well.

Such is life.

How Cold is Cold?

I checked the temp this morning at 7:30am.. 25 degrees (plus a breeze). So that meant borrowing my sisters balaclava (I still like to call it a baclava) instead of my scull cap, and full booties instead of just the toe covers. There was also the Under Armour top, Craft top, and bike jersey (need the pockets), and wind proof jacket. Lower half just covered with tri shorts (I need SOME padding for the parts) and tights. Black, of course, because of its slimming effect.

I looked a little like this...


..even if this pic is from Saturday. I had a 3 hr trail run to do and biked out to my usual starting point. Temps then hovered in the mid 30s with really nasty winds.


Back to today, after 50 miles/3 hrs of riding and four hours later (I've been back for a bit), the temp has sky rocketed to 42 degrees. I'm chillin' with some recovery drink (a liiiitttle too early for a beer) and warming up my ice block feet with the slippers from my manager.

See?


I guess they do come in handy.



Let's just hope the water at the pool is warmer. Off I go!

**And I know I need to clean my bedroom floor..

What I like about my company

I can't say it's the greatest place to work, but they know how to keep us happy.. how?

Alcohol.

We tapped a keg of Killian's Irish Red at 2:30pm today. There were also some bottles of Guinness. Our coffee bar was decorated in festive green attire with boxes of Lucky Charms as center pieces on each table. I strategically plunked myself between the flat screen TV and the keg.



Georgetown squeeked by Northern Iowa.

Lord knows how many cups of Killian's I had.

They were small cups.

I know the CEO/President was eyeing me.

I hit on him at our department's "Ethnic Dinner" back in Oct 2002 when I first started here.

It's 5:45 and I quick drinking 15 minutes ago when a coworker came into the coffee bar and said, "I'm not surprised" at the usual stragglers left behind.

How Evil Are You??

***You Are 30% Evil***


A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.


How Evil Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/howevilareyouquiz/


Only 30%, but apparently a 'dangerous' 30. Now if this were a purity test, things might be a little different.

Night Rider.. and Runner

I've done some 5:30am rides in the dark, but with that, I know the sun will be coming up. So tonight after work, I ventured out for my first night time ride and run. Running in the dark shouldn't be that big of a deal, right? Well it is when it's on trails.

So I geeked out my seldom used mountain bike with 2 white front lights and a couple blinking red lights in the back - one on the seatpost, one on the back of my helmet, and one on my Rim Runner bag. I didn't want to take any chances ;) I did a similar ride to the one on Saturday when I did the 12k... it was a 4 mile bike to the trail head where I parked my bike before switching out my helmet for a headlamp. It was a little tempermental and I thought I'd have to postpone the run, but I finally got it working. So off I was. This is a trail I've run numerous times, but it looked totally different with a 3 LED headlamp guiding the way. My steps were tentative, but I finally got in a grove. Like I said, it was my first nighttime run on trails, so I didn't want to do too much, nor did I want to injure myself before my race next weekend.

Why am I running trails at night? I'll explain later.

Total run was only 35 minutes or barely 2 miles. No worries. It was totally worth it and I hope to get more runs like it in in the coming month. What made it more enjoyable was being guided on the way back by a full moon. It was so bright I was able to turn off the headlamp and use its beam to show me the way to my bike and home.

Beware the Ides of March?? My ass..

Resolution Update #4

'bout that time, I guess, as I missed an update the start of this month. I have my reasons, though, as February was pretty short and I spent most of the time sleeping. Lord knows what bug is working its way through my system, but I'm still trying to fight something.

So here it is..

After not doing much, I've been getting to the gym only 1x a week. My Thursday class has been going over the allotted time or I've had to meet with my group afterwards, so by the time I leave class at 9:15pm, they gym is closed when I get to it. So yesterday was my first time in about a week that I'd been in the gym. I did a good lower body workout, since I plan on blasting the upper bod Thursday (I'm on spring break, no class, and I'm going to the gym instead of happy hour.. where are my priorities you ask?? They might change after I type this..), and want to give the legs a little breather after hittin' the trails.

Focused on lower body last night with some upper stuff and core work between sets. Finished with my usual workout for the pull-ups. Since the last update, I'm now able to hang easily for 7 seconds. I take a minute break and can do it again for 5 seconds, 1 minute break, and 5 more seconds. I then start from the hanging position to see how far I can pull myself up. Not a lot of improvement there. I think I need to start doing this more often as I'm starting to feel a little behind in my goal even though I have 6 months to go.

Weight wise.. I'm not sure if I'm dropping weight since I don't weigh myself, but I know I'm eating a TON better. I gave up eating chocolate and peanut butter, specifically, for Lent. I'm one that can finish a jar of natural PB in 3 days. It's good fat, but it's still fat and fattening. I also include peanuts and other 'crap'. Remember my dream about the cake and cupcakes? Yep. That's included as crap. I'm trying to cut back on chips, which I don't eat much of anyways, and pizza.. again, something I don't eat much of. The thing with pizza is that it's too easy to fall back on and it's readily available at work. Here's an example.. the other week, there was a meeting and the group ordered in pizza and leftovers were available in the kitchen. One of my fellow worker bees, FA, came over to my cube with 2 big slices on a plate, one slice in her hand, and a mouthful, to say, "There's some pizza in the kitchen if you want it." That sight was enough to convince me I made the right decision. The 'drastic', I guess you could call that, change in my eating comes at a good time as I have a few 'A' races coming up March 25th and April 8th. It should help me get down to a good race weight.

I hope it's something I can continue most of the season, but I know I can't cut out peanut butter entirely. That shit is too good!

I know the Lenten season lasts 40 days, and that excludes Sunday's, but I'm a good Catholic girl (stoplaughing) and hold true until Easter Sunday, even though it ends Thursday night.

There better be some Reese's PB eggs waiting for me..

How Could They!?!

Okay, I'm only a few days behind, but that's what happens when I tape everything. So I finally saw the most recent episode of "The L Word", which originally aired 3/10. I'm just starting to get into the show, after finally getting cable in October and renting season 1 thru Netflix, and I can't believe they killed off Dana. They could've done more with her character development, her relationship with Alice, and breast cancer, and they failed.

Granted the show is pretty unbelievable at times with the whole vampire thing and Jenny's fucked up life, but Dana was probably the most "real" character. Her pro tennis career would've been a lot better if she quit hanging around The Planet so much, went on tour, hired a coach and worked on her serve more.. really, her serve sucked.. she would've won more than the Mercedes Benz Classic when she planted a kiss on Lara on 'live TV'. Honestly, if it were true, only lesbians would've been watching it anyway.

So I went to show.com and cheated and saw a few scenes from this Sunday's episode. It's not like I won't see the whole show until next Tuesday or anything. No matter.. death sucks whoever it happens to.

Cutting the Cord

It's been three years and you'd think I could move on. I just can't. Too many memories.. too many good times.. and even the bad. We've been through a lot together and there comes a time when you just need to let go. But like I said, I just can't.

So how exactly do you move on to a new cell phone.. and possibly a new service plan? (cutting the cord.. get it?? haha.. ahh ya humorless!)

I'm at a breaking point with this thing. I'm lucky if I can get a tower while in my house, I miss calls because my phone won't ring, and sometimes I don't get notice of new messages until a few hours (or days!) after they've been received. And just to get the thing to charge, I have to adjust the 'male part' into the 'female part' worse than a wire hanger doubling as an antennae on an old TV set.

You get the picture here?

The downside, and maybe upside, is that I have to get a new plan, a new phone, and sign a new 2 yr contract. Every provider has it pluses and minuses as do all the phones out there. Am I the last person on the planet with a cell phone that doesn't have 1) text messaging, 2) speakerphone, 3) or 2-way paging? Talk about being in the dark ages.

I tell ya.. the man part just doesn't want to go into the female part! Is it possible my cell phone is gay, too??

Mixed Baggage

I was so exhausted last night that I slept on the love seat.. more on the exhaustion part later. Em kept yelling at me to "wake up!", but I just couldn't keep my eyes open. It's funny the dreams you have when you're so tired you can't think. It was a mix of things..

-My 10 yr high school reunion
-The wedding of a friend of the family
-The reception.. I dig receptions.. esp those with an open bar :D
-The cake at this reception
-There were bigass cupcakes, too..
-I gave up cake and bigass cupcakes for Lent along with peanut butter and chocolate and other "crap"
-Seriously, the frosting was to DIE for.

A lot has happened over the week and I've been pretty busy. I ran a trail marathon on the 4th and I was somewhat undertrained. I like to do races like this to not only see where I'm at physically, but to throw myself into shape since I know I'm not in shape. I finished in 5:50.. it was closer to 27+ miles than the standard 26.2. It was cold as hell that day, too. I know I wasn't recovered when I tried to run a 12k trail run yesterday. The run wasn't the problem.. the problem was that I woke up late, I biked 4 miles to the trail head, ran about 3.5 miles of trails to the race start, ran the race on nothing but 2 GU gels since I had no time for breakfast, walked a good portion of it, finished over 10 minutes slower than last years time, had to run 3.5 miles back to my bike, and bike 4 miles home. I was toast. Then I went swimming.. SWIMMING!! Notice.. I've been in the pool 2 times in the month of March.. a record! I think last week I swam about 3000m, but only managed 2000 because of time constraints.. and because my feet kept freakin cramping up. Trying to kick with a cramping arch sucks.

After running errands, my sister and I went to the Pistons v. Wizards game. If I were a Wizards fan, it was a great game, however, since my hometown boyz were visiting, it was a bad game. Pistons got spanked by about 17 points. I guess the highlight of the game was witnessing a fight breaking out in section 118, and seeing former Wizard Gheorghe Muresan at halftime. If you've never seen anyone 7'7", let me just say.. it's freakin tall. I knew who he was, and even though his career was short, was amazed to see him. Freakin' tall.. that's all I have to say. So after the game I passed out on the sofa.

Sunday.. my phone, on vibrate and across the room, woke me up at 5:14am. I packed for the day and my sister and I headed to the Eastern Shore to do a long ride. The longest ride I've done this year has been.. dunno.. 45 miles or so? We did over 80 today and it felt like it. The terrain was flat, but this area is known for its wind. It was a great day to be out, too.. 55 deg at 7am and 75 by 12:30pm. Gotta love it.

With so much going on this weekend, I have to say, I'm exhausted. I'm thinking of what I have going on this week and it's a lot. I like being busy, but it's exhausting. I'm still fighting the 'rundown' feeling I had mid Feb, but it looks like I have some upper respiratory thing going on. I'm all stuffy and talk like I have a cold, but when I train, my nose gets all runny. It does, however, make for some wicked-ass snot rockets. Clears things up nicely!

I'm actually on Spring Break this week of school, but my "optional" class attendance for Tuesday is somewhat mandatory since I have a midterm on the 21st and we're reviewing CH 1-6, but my class on Thursday is cancelled in observance of said "break". Hard to enjoy it when I still have to work 40+ hours a week. So much for that trip to Cancun I had planned.. oh well. Besides, I've added a new race to my schedule that I should focus on.

More on that later. I have to eat and do some yoga.. I'm sore as hell.

Rebutal

The comments regarding my 'history of ex' post were interesting... thanks.

I think what was surprising about the dream is that I rarely think of them anymore, yet they pop up in my dreams. Believe me, there are other women I'm thinking of before I fall asleep (note: woman = multiple.. more than one.. ;) There are still songs that remind me of everyone and times spent together.. good and bad.

I know I've learned a lot from each of them, too. I'm still a bit of an introvert (when sober) and I know I wouldn't be the person I am if my first girlfriend didn't pull me out of the closet kicking and screaming. She opened my eyes to a whole new world; one in which I'd be spending the rest of my life, and for that I'm thankful.

I've learned about trust, about music, about being open, about finances, and I was sure most of my relationships ended pretty amicably. There are times I feel like the closure isn't there, that I want them to say, "I fucked up".. no apology, though. Cuz I wouldn't be where I am without having been with them and had those experiences, like I said, good and bad. Nothing to be sorry about.

I do have a pair of sweat pants, a Tshirt, and race tshirt I want back from A, as well as the tent from K. Maybe we'll make a trade when she wants her knife sharpening steel back.

I think I just found the root of my dreams - the need to reclaim materialistic goods lost in each 'divorce'!! :D

The History of Ex

I don't get it.

A few nights ago, I had a dream last night about one of my ex's.. the one from back in college.. in 97. In my dream, I was in my room talking with my sister and noticed a lump in my bed. I hit at it to discover someone underneath. The covers were pulled back and it was S. She was happy to see me and we started chatting like old friends. She told me what she's been up to and rolled over to show me her tan, as evident by her white ass. And what a fine ass it was! S was a soccer player in college and had an amazing ass and set of quads. She was more of a fling and I guess can't really be called an ex, but whatever..

I usually have dreams of my first girlfriend/ex. We split in the summer of 97 and I haven't seen her since 2000. For a long time afterwards I was mad at her for "what she did," before I realized splitting up with her was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I kept a Rubbermaid container of our notes, anniversary cards, "just because" cards, (4 years worth!), pictures, etc, and finally threw it in the big trash compactor in 2000. Wiped my hands clean and was through with her.. even though there are a few lingering mix tapes and pictures from my high school graduation.

Of course there were good times and bad and a lot of good memories and I know I've grown and learned from all of them. My first relationship lasted four years and my most recent lasted 2.5 years, with the others not lasting any longer than the last.

But what have I learned? History repeats itself? I move too fast? I move too slow? I'm selfish? I'm not cut out to be in a relationship.. at least not now.. at least that's what I keep telling myself.

I'm sure if I had my dreams interpreted, I'd be told that I'm still hung up on my ex's.. that I need to let go. I've thrown out just about everything from everyone.. deleated emails, email addresses, AIM names, tossed out pictures, notes, cards... and of the stuff I've kept, it's filed away in an unmarked manila envelop or stashed in a box with whoknowswhatelse. What else is there to do?

I've let go of my past physically, but how do I clear myself mentally?

The pen is mightier than the sword

I speak from experience here.

Here's the deal. I don't need to reiterate that I had to shop, but I do. Buying jeans is the worst, but I the whole 'trying on of the jeans' is worser. If that's not a word, it is now.

So I live on a few pairs of jeans. I have my favorites, but I think I finally wore through them. The bottoms are frayed, they are starting to come undone at the seems, there are small holes everywhere.. and I wore through the crotch. That's right. There's a hole about the size of a softball in the crotch. Don't ask how it got so 'worn out' down there. I still haven't thrown them out, though.

So I moved on to my next favorite pair. I wore them to work Tuesday and carried with me my trusty backpack and workout bag. This is a small cloth bag or something that I got for participating in the Philly marathon back in 2003. It's small, but it fits what I need. I got in the office at 9:30am and it wasn't until 1pm when I noticed a stain on the right side of my jeans that looked like a pen had been in my pocket and leaked.

"WTF am I doing with a pen in my pocket?"

I checked, but no pen.. and the stain was too high for a pen leak. A pen leak would be closer to my crotch and this was up by my hip. I thought there might be a pen on my desk that I rubbed against when I turned in my chair, but it wouldn't do THIS much damage. So I went back to my cube to check my workout bag.

Sure enough.

There was an upcapped pen poking through the side of the bag. When I walked in to work, I wore it over my shoulder, so I was writing on myself with every step. I had it in there to write down my workouts and must've forgotten to put the cap back on.

I was pissed. Not so much for being a dumbass, but at my coworkers for not pointing it out to me! Many o' times have I told my Slipper Manager that she has food in her teeth.

This isn't the first time I've had a run in with a pen. Back in October, I was carrying a Sharpie in my pocket (please don't ask why) and that leaked. I was wearing my then favorite pair of shorts, and they were ruined. So I'm working my magic on the jeans. I haven't gotten rid of the shorts, figuring I could sew a patch.. well, I mean, so my mom could sew a patch over it to cover up the black mark. If this works, getting the ink stain out of the jeans and shorts, you can start calling me 'Heloise'.

Stop me if I start darning my socks.

Stop me if you've heard this one..

Q: How do you know if a statistician is an introvert?

A: While talking to you, he stares at YOUR feet.

This was the joke the substitute professor told at the end of class tonight.

In 2003, my former boss introduced me to ultrarunning.. running races longer than a marathon (26.2 miles). He's a statistician and had a T-shirt that said "When all else fails, manipulate the data".

I think I mentioned the book store where I finally got my last required book for class had finger puppets of Freud, Einstien, and Van Gogh (with both ears). It also had T shirts with designs of 'Pi a la mode' with the Greek symbol Pi.

I tell ya.. if this is the life I'm going to be leading... so help me God.